I Play Guitar and Sometimes I Play the Fool*

These are the times that try men's souls, or whatever. I found myself tonight psyching myself for another Saturday night of karaoke jockeying. Sitting or standing through nine acts of moderate to little talent just for that one great amateur singer to blow me away. To shorten this tome, there were a pair of young ladies who have been regulars at the establishment from the days back in November when I started training (in fact longer than that) and while shy at the microphones (unless one of them is doing Cher, then she's just like the recording) they are fun to share the same room with.

Well, I haven't seen them since the Saturday before Christmas and to be honest I've missed them. Therefore it was a pleasant surprise that they were present this evening, if only for a short time.

Now, I'm a fairly confident guy (well, except for the nursery school underoos stage dive and um...a few other instances) but really, one can't be shy and a public performer (okay I admit it happens but not in my case).

I thought I looked presentable this evening, and in my capacity of jock assistant dealt briefly with the ladies as they handed in request cards.

About two hours later, and well after they had left the venue I was washing at the men's room sink when I noticed my neck was covered in dried blood!! COVERED!! Now, I wasn't bleeding when I left the house, I made sure of it. I purposely shaved so as not to look grubby tonight and made sure I wasn't nicked anywhere -- yet I was covered in dried blood. And nobody told me!! It never fails, whenever I'm out to put my best foot forward in front of a lady, fate seems to conspire against me.

Back in my college days I was walking down the hallway of the campus center, taking my dinner back to the radio station in advance of an air shift I was substituting in, when I dropped the ketchup packets on the floor after saying "hello" to one female student.

Another time, during Winter on campus, I was walking along a sidewalk as two female students approached me from the other direction. I promptly fell on some ice!!

I've got a decent singing voice, better when I stay within my vocal range, but many times I wind up clearing the room. I may be a relatively confident fellow, but people leaving -- especially the pair of lasses who used to attend every week but who don't on my night any longer blows my self assuredness into smithereens.

So I was in a funk after looking like an idiot half the night, but then my confidence was restored by realizing the world isn't about me. I can hold onto the pipe dream that somewhere some girl will love me for who I am and that anyone, male or female, who doesn't isn't meant to be in my life. Frankly I'm not even interested in any kind of relationship with the aforementioned singers other than singer/jockey, because my dysfunctions preclude any successfully lasting one.

At least with trains, there's a certain kind of stability there. I pretty much know what to expect, and if I look like a fool in front of one, I won't have made a negative impression.

*This entry's title comes from a recording of John Lennon introducing himself at a Beatles concert.