Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Fuzz Freak

The Fuzz Freak

Once again we follow along, without their knowledge, Steve, Jacob, and Susan/Alexandria as they once again stumble (and she does stumble) into yet another bizarre adventure broken into their third (and currently last) trilogy (there's a one-shot also yet to be re-told). Phew, here we go. Originally posted February 2008:

You guessed it!! Another bad story starring our three hapless heroes and a smoke bush as the Fuzz Freak...

"Remind me again why I'm hiking in this God-foresaken field on an unseasonably hot April day?" Alexandria sneered (you'll recall her birth name is Susan, Sue for short, Susie if you want your butt kicked -- but she prefers Alexandria, and the name fits her attitude right now. Think Lower High Class New Yorker without the Brooklyn accent).

"Because I practically begged you..." Steve started to say before Miss Obnoxio interrupted.

"I didn't want to hear your grovelling," she corrected him.

"But you love the adventure," Steve turned to face her with a mischevious gleam in his eyes. Deep down, Sue/Alexandria did get some kind of twisted pleasure out of their otherworldly experiences (see the Dark Hole and Hyperspace Portal blogs for more details and poor story telling). Steve faced forward again and led Sue and Jacob like a

husky dog racing in the Idarod thought Sue, she felt something down at her left foot and noticed her hiking boot lace had untied. She knelt in the scrub to fix it and Jacob tromped past spitting tobacco juice.

"Better not open some kind of rift there, Blondie, or we're all in trouble again," Jacob chided sarcastically with an evil laugh as a dribble of stained saliva oozed down his chin.

"You're a jerk," replied Sue (because three letters are easier to type than the gazillion of Alexandria. Besides, who really wants to be named after an Ancient City? Oh yeah, she does...

So they continue walking/hiking through the semi-barren acreage that is their current setting when Sue feels a brush against her back. Thinking it's only a twig that caught her shirt she doesn't pay it any mind, until she sees it dart out of the corner of her eye and past them to block their way. Steve is ignorant at first and starts to walk around the rather large puffy bush in front of him, but just as he steps to the right of the thing he hears the other two yelling at him, Jacob's chin becoming even redder with juice.

The bushy looking Fuzz Freak makes a slight poke at Steve, and though he doesn't feel a breeze, thinks that's what is making the "branches" of the bush move, so Steve pushes the puffiness to the side as he continues past and the other two can only watch as Steve is thrown exaggeratingly high and far across the landscape, looking not unlike one of those odd camera angles on the expensive commercials shown during the end all NFL Championship Game Broadcast between the AFC and NFC, and superfast too.* Sue and Jacob were too stunned to blink, but it didn't matter because it happened and ended quicker than they could have blinked. The bully bush seemed to taunt them (not a metaphor -- but it sure could be ;-) ) the two remaining upright could almost hear that movie character in their heads

"You wanna piece of me? Huh? Huh? Do Ya?" and it seemed to be schizophrenic too, "I fly like a Butterfly, Sting like a Bee!!" Well, this made Jacob and Sue blink quite frequently like those cartoon characters that can't believe what they're seeing, and they rubbed their eyes because the initial not-blinking allowed the arrid air of their setting to dehydrate their eyes and now they burned a bit from dryness. Before they could regroup and really see what this bush was it was right in their faces and without a sound threw them around like Tumbleweeds.

This is why I hate hiking with you guys Sue thought My clothes always wind up getting ruined. The Fuzz Freak was relentless and the two Tumbleweed humans could feel more and more bruises and sprains. Their batterings became more frequent and it seemed to come from different angles.

Are we the ball in a soccer game? thought Jacob as he involuntarily swallowed his juice in the melee. As if he was heard the blur of vision in front of Sue cleared for a split second, she and Jacob felt a hard kicking sensation on their buttocks and still in that split second Sue could see they were headed right for a large white net not unlike a super sized soccer net.

"AAAAAAAgggghhhhh" she yelled and just as she expected to be strained into human goulash through the gigantic soccer net...

we pause for the end of this entry Ooh, I'm so terrible, lol. Actually that's the original cliffhanger. Look for it if you dare (if you can even find it).
But as you already know, it's a trilogy so they obviously must survive it. Ah yes, the author's asterisk note:
*While watching "Tropic Thunder" a similar effect is portrayed twice. The first with the Panda head hat and secondly with the little boy at the bridge on their way out.

1 comment:

  1. Miss Obxnxio, that one tore me up. A new superhero or villianess perhaps? Nicely done issue MO!

    Having seen Tropic Thunder over ten times I am well familiar with the effect you mention. Poor, poor panda......

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